So instead of doing audio for the opening rounds (which are the biggest, in terms of amount of people), I will do the traditional presentation until we get into the later rounds and THEN, when the stakes are at their highest and the intrigue pressed against its ceiling, I will take over with audio presentations. After all, I have some sponsors to do some live reads for, which isn't as effectively done here.
That said, I do have a shout out to the 2013 Tournament "sponsors":
- Maui's World.com, I don't know what you'd go here for but hopefully you leave entertained (and only mildly offended);
- The Foster Family Care Network, if you're interested in having any positive role in the lives of local foster kids, check them out online and see how you may be able to help; and, finally...
- My Voice Music, who is by no means a new "sponsor" of the shenanigans that I create (I believe they have been official "sponsors" of the Ryan Awards the past couple of years), hosts a lot of great music-based programs for kids in our local community who, otherwise, would not have the opportunity to use the benefits of music to better themselves. They are always looking for contributions of time, talent, or resources from the greater community, so if it is something you're interested in, be sure to check them out online.
And now... we shall begin the 2013 May Mayhem Tournament of Champions...
Interestingly enough, in my attempts to randomize the schedule, I ended up having the entire Down Regions competing today. Quite unexpected. Anyway, as I mentioned in a post the other day, for the first two rounds (at least) -- the MGD 64 and the Thrilled 32 -- I will be advancing the winners at my own discretion. However, for those unfamiliar with the past Tournaments, I'll say a few words about both participants prior to making my decision.
Let's start off with.....
2) Kristen Dutra vs. 15) Janet McElligott
Kristen and Janet is a classic match-up: both of them are quite nice (to me, at least), a pleasure to hang out with, and... now that I think of it... they even kind of look the same -- in broad strokes, at least. It is definitely comparable.
Prior to moving back to the Bay Area, football season was peppered with Kristen at various Niners games. Even though she doesn't live in Portland anymore, she still comes up somewhat regularly which is good times. In addition to the football fanfare, Kristen is also one of the nicest people that I know -- as evident by her nearly-guaranteed Ryan Award nomination for "Most Benevolent Person of the Year". She even brought me a 49ers pin and a Santa mug on her last trip to Portland. Why? No reason. She just thought that I would enjoy them and so, boom, presents brought.
Janet is more elusive than Kristen, despite being much, much closer - in terms of geography. The last time that I saw Janet, I believe, was at Maui's house for 4th of July. And even though she disappoints me (slightly) by not keeping up with Mad Men, thus forcing me to have to keep an active filter on posts that I make so as not to be a spoiler, she is one of my favorite people to hang out with, and I always enjoy the few times a year that I converse with her, and the even fewer times that I actually hang out with her. And while the frequency of interaction is about the same, I have to give the edge to Kristen in the contest and advance her to the Thrilled 32. Hopefully, Janet's ankle heals up so that she can join us for volleyball -- and hopefully the next time Kristen makes it into town, the weather is cooperative for volleyball as well.... so long as we keep her away from Hookah John Herboth and his herculean heel.
3) Andrew BDub Fuchs vs. 14) Arran Gimba
In what could be called the Battle of the Birds, as both BDub and Gimba are Seahawk fans, they are the exception to the general rule of Seahawk fans being unbearably annoying and typically tough people to be around. In fact, BDub and Gimba are both pretty chill guys. Before people get uppity and cite BDub's more famous/infamous past -- a dominant Hater and prone to outbursts -- I am quick to defend the Bizzle Wondizzle as being generally misunderstood. BDub is a premiere Hater -- for sure, Ryan Award Hall of Famer in his Hating (in 2017 when the Hall of Fame is established) -- but not because he is a hateful person.... well, not solely because he is a hateful person... but, rather, because he is strong-willed and knows how to mess with people; challenging them on their beliefs, thoughts, and opinions, not to evoke anger but to evoke a change in perspective. Sometimes... well, most of the time... his unexpected-and-unwelcomed-aggressive approach can cause friction. But, with all the crap he has given me over the years -- and all that I have given him -- I understand the game and thus consider him one of the better people that I know, as well.
Meanwhile, as I believe I elaborated upon in years past, I have known Gimba since freshmen year at the U (of P) and, while our interactions have always been largely restricted to class projects, and the like, there are few people I know with more ambition and drive than Arran Gimba. I remember when he started up the Oregon Sports News as a podcast a few years ago (or what seems like a few years ago), and now he is a legitimate mogul -- with an online magazine (of sorts) with a staff of writers, partnerships with OregonLive, and, of course, the podcast. All the while, working on the side and writing fiction books -- I have an autographed copy, in fact. And while I came into this night with the intention of pulling an upset, I think I may have rallied behind BDub on this one, and so I am calling an audible and advancing BDub to the Thrilled 32.
8) Meredith Jaeger vs. 9) Alissa Allen
This match-up nearly became the Marquee Match-Up of the night. Meredith and Alissa, even though I don't think they know each other..... (thinks).... I don't think so.... I think that they are rather similar and would get along if they were to hang out. Especially, now, with Meredith's unfortunate knee injury -- Alissa can certainly empathize.
Meredith is similar to Janet, in terms of that I don't see her often -- in fact, I believe that I only ever see them together; the last time being Maui's 4th of July party last year. Anyway, Meredith has always been nice to me, and I imagine that it is partially because a) that is just the type of person that she is; and b) the Jaegers, on the whole, are just really good people -- I say this because her brother, Luke, who I knew from campus, was always one of the nicest people I interacted with. I don't think I have ever seen a Jaeger upset or not smiling... it may rattle my concept of reality if I were to witness it.
Meanwhile, prior to Alissa moving to Costa Rica -- and I don't think she is coming back -- I would see her equally as rarely, mostly when she came down to Portland occasionally (or I happened to be on one of my rare visits to Seattle). However, Alissa holds a very important role in my personal history as the SOLE WITNESS of the greatest HORSE shot ever taken. Alissa, if you're reading this, you can tune out right now (since you, oddly, don't like this story, haha), but it is, easily, one of my Top 5 greatest moments in life. No doubt; no hesitation. It is written in my Will and Testament as an indicator on if I am ready to be euthanized. THAT important of a moment in my life.
One sort of cold, spring morning (one of my greatest regrets in life is not writing down the date....*defeated sigh*....), I was playing HORSE with Alissa at the basketball court behind Villa on campus and, with her on the ropes (down to the final E), I decided to take an impossible shot -- so as to prolong the game. There were some pallets and a bench near center court (in an almost half-circle formation, as if people were sitting down there the night before) and so my shot consisted of taking a loop around the pallets and then jumping OFF of the bench and putting up the shot as I fell away -- both to the side and back -- from the hoop, roughly a half court away....... and I made it. I [Expletive] MADE IT. Now, because that was the final shot -- and Alissa declined to attempt it, declaring instead that I prove it by making it again -- I popped my neck, rolled the shoulders, and attempted the shot again: a loop around the pallets, jumped off the bench, again, falling at an angle away from the hoop, and let the ball fly. In what appeared to have taken hours, I just watched the ball rotate gently in the air, sailing towards its target. Then, it was as if the clouds opened up and God's holy hand appeared to me, giving me the holiest of all Thumbs-Up......and it made it the second time. Even cleaner than the first attempt. A shot that, if I were to devote my life to re-attempting, I would not make EVER again... to have made it twice on consecutive shots, is nothing short of divine intervention. That was when I knew that there was a God. I am not lucky. That sort of miraculous event does not happen to me without direct divine intervention. It is the only explanation.... which is why no one believes me when I tell the story; it is too incredible to be true. Anyway, Alissa is the only witness to this feat and -- aside from being one of my favorite people already because of her humor and good nature -- therefore forever someone who is deeply connected to one of my greatest moments in life. EVER.
I can tell that story often -- much to Alissa's chagrin (I think she doesn't like the story because she was on the losing side of the game of HORSE, however, I almost never talk about the game itself; the game became irrelevant. It is sort of like when other incredible feats are attained: the overall picture is irrelevant by the highlight of the moment). And, for Alissa's sake, that will be the last time that I tell the story in this year's Tournament because I'll be advancing Meredith to the Thrilled 32. And, in case you are wondering: Yes, I still have the basketball that I used for those miraculous shots. I haven't played with it since that day, but I keep it in storage in case the Smithsonian comes a-knocking.
7) Andy Boespflug vs. 10) Matt Knister
Andy and Matt are both some good people that I know, who are both relatively new folks that I have had the pleasure of adding to my circle of awesome people. Despite attending the U (of P) at the same time, and knowing a lot of the same people/mutual friends, I didn't start hanging out with either of them until relatively recently (within the last year or two).
Andy is easy to relate to because he is a fun, awesome guy -- like me! -- who also fancies a good beard -- like me! -- and who can make it look good -- like me! With his grad school taking him to Madison, Wisconsin (I know, right? Very unlike me), I have only seen Andy a couple of times in the past couple of years -- but never a dull moment. He also fancies my top hat, and with his impending move back to Idaho, and therefore I don't anticipate him to be attending a New Year's party in Portland this coming year, I will be sure to wear the top hat proudly.... as long as Ace Griffin and the wedding crew don't object. Otherwise, I'll wear it proudly.... in my mind.
Matt is also easy to relate to because Niner fans are some of the best people around. Yeah, if you don't like the Niners you probably don't agree, but the facts are facts whether you agree or not. That said, I have shared one of my more recent high moments (winning the NFC Championship) with Matt.... as well as one of my more recent low moments (losing the Super Bowl). Regardless of the highs or lows, though, Matt is one of the nicest guys that I know and he (along with Jess) is incredibly welcoming to those he considers his friends. Again, Niner fans are some of the best people in the world, and Matt epitomizes this perception. And that is why I am advancing him to the Thrilled 32, as I remind all of you that you can go big or go home, but always... ALWAYS...go Niners. ;-)
6) Dani Schwanz vs. 11) Kristin Johnson
I remember the first time that I met Dani way back when she was the newly-elected Hall President of Corrado and an aspiring indie musician -- and incredibly good, too ... if you haven't heard some of her stuff, you are missing out. And while, to my knowledge, her EP never dropped, sadly, she has always been a delight and one of the better people that I have known. Being a nurse is a tough gig -- no doubt -- but she, like a few of the other nurses that I know, is definitely someone that I would trust my well-being with. It is unfortunate for all of us here in Portland to see her moving back to Idaho but life is bigger than city and no matter where she goes, she'll excel at whatever she does -- for this I am certain. Like Billy Mitchell, Dani is a winner.
Kristin, on the other hand, is also a winner. Anyone who puts up with Maui's taunting and still comes around to hang out (albeit in 20-minute increments) is a definite winner. PLUS, the last time that she came to hang out, she brought brownies. It is no secret -- at least in my mind -- that brownies are, arguably, one of the greatest desserts in existence. I don't even care if they came from a box or from scratch; my impression relies on if they are good or not (read: chewy but not ooze-y). And the brownies that Kristin brought over were really good -- and that was not the bourbon's assessment, either. While my interactions with Kristin are limited, they are always good times, as she appears to be a genuinely nice person with a very kind heart. And, again, to put up with Maui's taunts, a level of patience that is impressive.... or the ability to tune people out (which is equally impressive). I am going to pull an upset, here, and advance Kristin to the Thrilled 32 -- not because of her brownies...although, brownies never hurt... but because I have seen her more often this year (plus, she "liked" the postings about the Tournament on Facebook, so, if this was a game, I imagine she would have came prepared to play and to win).
1) Pat Guamie Carayoan vs. 16) Justin Cumnock
Guamie vs. Cumnock may seem like a lopsided contest, and I can see where people may think that: for one, it is the 1-seed vs. the 16-seed (and I don't believe an upset of this magnitude has ever happened before), and two, I have -- arguably -- known Guamie longer than anyone else in Portland -- that I still am in regular contact with. So yeah, I can see why some people would say that this is no contest. But wait just a minute, as I offer a counter argument to the claim:
Guamie bailed on us and moved to Hawaii... like a sucker. Sure, he is now way closer to Chelsea, but farther away from the rest of us. Furthermore, when he left, he took half of the party organization ability with him -- now, it has fallen upon Hookah John, largely, although, years later, Maui and Fuchs are starting to step it up... sadly, not as many people attend their shindigs. AND, Guamie also took RFC with him to Hawaii, leaving us with the standard party games -- which are all okay but lacking the flare that came with RFC. So, sure, I have known Guamie for a long time (close to 11 years) and have had some great times at UP and at the Castle, and the Mansion, with him -- more than I can say for Cumnock -- BUT, Cumnock is still here and still bringing it to the parties, as well. And, what better way to start off any sort of Tournament than by pulling a MAJOR upset and knocking out a 1-seed?? It would be unprecedented and completely unexpected.... and that's why I won't do it. Guamie advances to the Thrilled 32.... even though he bailed on us.
4) The Great Morgan Bridges vs. 13) Ellen West
In an interesting match-up, the Great Morgan Bridges up against Ellen. The Great Morgan Bridges has an advantage in history as well as reputation (ergo, the "Great" prefix to her name), whereas Ellen has the slight edge in nice-ness (as she has never yelled at me). To be fair Morgan didn't yell at me because I warranted a good yelling at -- I'm incredibly awesome... I don't think I've been yelled at in anger since I was 15 -- but, rather, as part of a class project, I believe, on the topic of mediation through conflicts. Regardless, I will occasionally joke about my first time meeting the Great Morgan Bridges that she yelled at me; however, I know she doesn't like that joke (obviously) ergo I use it sparingly. I'm not sure where I was going with that, though.... hmm....
Obviously, as I bestowed upon Morgan the handle of "The Great" Morgan Bridges, she is one of my favorite people, all-time. And while we go through phases where we won't converse for months on end and then enjoy a flurry of conversations before, once again, entering a silent period. Probably one of my favorite eras with the Great Morgan Bridges was our shared fanfare of NBC's "The Cape" -- which had so much potential but, ultimately, fell apart and was cancelled. I never saw how it ended and I don't know if I care to, because I know I'll be disappointed. There were too many plot holes and, I think, they were aiming for a one-and-done approach because, let's say that the odds were defied and they got picked up for a second season.....WHAT WAS THE SECOND SEASON GOING TO BE ABOUT?!?!?! It didn't make any sense. NBC went about it completely the wrong way. Actually, that may have been the final straw for network TV for me-- I don't think I have watched network TV programs ever since (save for sports coverage, of course). So yes, the Great Morgan Bridges and I would rehash episodes of "The Cape" and discuss how we would make it better and debate its flaws as well as inconsistencies -- some that I noticed more than her (like how The Cape's wife got way hotter as the season progressed. My theory? Either a) in attempt to boost ratings, or b) in terms of the narrative, she was rebounding after the "death" of her husband ("The Cape") and so, naturally, stepped it up a little more -- when you're married, you don't have to try as hard. That's what I've gathered from TV marriages. "The Cape" aside, the Great Morgan Bridges has been there for me when I've needed advice and, likewise, I try to return the favor -- although, she historically has requested my advice and opinions on various injuries (like when she dislocated her knee a year or so back) ... of which I am by no means qualified to give sound advice on, but I do my best ... and easing her concerns of when she was house-sitting alone, also a year or so back ... I wouldn't be much assistance from Portland in the event of a home invasion, however, I reassured that the odds of a home invasion are highly unlikely; and I felt confident with that claim.
I haven't seen Ellen too much, probably have only seen her twice and communicated with her a third time. However, she has always been quite nice and pleasant to be around in those limited exposures. I feel some sort of pride (for lack of better word) in introducing her -- and Guamie -- to the Jeremiah Weed bourbon the other weekend (known as the Great Bourbon Binge), and, I am pleased to say, it was a welcomed introduction. Which is good because Jeremiah Weed is the official bourbon of Ryan Henley, and so to spread its exposure is something I do try to do; it is good stuff. Anyway, while Morgan does hold the duration and familiarity advantage, I've seen Ellen more recently -- even though she foolishly asked me to sub in for her during RFC... pssh... I don't drink beer, and especially not crappy beer at that....and especially not when I've got a glass of top-notch bourbon in my hand -- and so I'll side with frequency in this Tournament and advance Ellen to the Thrilled 32. After all, she did ask me to put her into the Tournament on that bourbon night, so I interpret that as someone who also would have come ready to play, in the event of it being an active competition.
...and, finally, the Day One Marquee Match-Up...
5) Tim Ace Griffin vs. 12) Alex Trethewy
What makes this a great Marquee Match-Up is the familiarity these two have with each other. Unlike the rest of Round One matches, the Ace Man and Alex actually hang out and consider each other friends. I believe that I know Alex slightly longer than the Ace Man -- but it is close. I didn't really get to know Alex until my senior year at the U (of P) when we were both RAs, though I knew his name (usually joined with Tim Newby.... who, coincidentally enough, is Ace Griffin's housemate and best man!...dun dun dun).
Anyway, while I have known of Alex longer, the Ace Man and I have had some good times over the years. Back when he was a glam rocker who coincidentally was an engineer, too; with the Mans Am, the flowing hair, the girl-jeans, and wailing on the electric guitars. Now, the more modest and dare-I-say-matured Tim Ace Griffin. We also were original Kings of the Castle -- one of the legendary post-UP party houses in the UP community. Without doubt, the Ace Man is one of my better friends and one of the better people that I have had the opportunity to know.
Similarly, Alex has been one of the more gracious and fun guys that I have had the pleasure of knowing in my time here in Portland -- actually, I'll extend it to the pre-Portland days, as well -- and he is just one of those good people that you can rely on to do what he says he will do and to have a good time. All of that aside, though, I'll be going with Ace Griffin in this marquee match-up largely in part to the more frequent hang-outs that I have with him, in addition to the memory-rich history that we have. Hopefully Alex (and Renee) can come out for volleyball this summer because that would be awesome.
And so concludes Day One of the Round One / "The MGD 64" with 8 good people advancing ahead to the Thrilled 32, while the other 8 end their Tournament run. Hopefully, I will have tomorrow's Day Two segment out much earlier -- I procrastinated today and got distracted by laundry that I should have done over the weekend but was distracted by the insanely good weather.
-Ryan.
Commissioner
May Mayhem Tournament of Champions
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