And now, let's get the day's action started! First up, the World Men's Semi-Final match-up between 1) Aneel Arya and 13) Andrew Salzman...
Aneel will take the stage first with his response to the topic of: "________ : The Most Annoying Thing Ever."
"Talking the talk, but not walking the walk : The Most Annoying Thing Ever." ...let me explain. If you say you're going to do something, do it. For thousands of years, a man's (or woman's I guess) word was his bond. If you committed to something, you followed through, no matter what. It seems that this generation (and by this I mean the tail end of ours (born in the mid to late 80's) and mostly 90's, doesn't seem to give the same weight to their words as generations before.
Promises, proclamations, and straight up lies come out of so many people's mouths that the truth is basically blown to bits and mocked. I'm not trying to get serious with political discourse (although I could) or offer a "society is doomed to fail" view either. I'll relate this to sports (as that is the best way I see to make my point). Athletes that brag about their accomplishments are OK with me. They've accomplished something. Allen Iverson? Go ahead, be crazy and egotistical. You are THE ANSWER. Same with Mike Tyson. You're allowed to be an egomaniac as well. Not everyone in this world can be a gracious champion a la Peyton Manning or Drew Brees or Wayne Gretzky.
What I don't like? Guys like A-Rod. This website (which I love) tells us that A-Rod has a lifetime .263 avg in the post-season. WHAT A JOKE. This dude makes 25 million dollars a year and talks his head off about everyone else when things go wrong. It's NEVER A-ROD'S FAULT. Ugh. He disgusts me.
This is also why I've poured on the Blazer hate this year. I don't follow basketball until the postseason, but from what I've seen, the Blazers have a decent team with no real established "superstar" as of yet, and they made a nice playoff run. But Blazers fans will tell you that this team WAS THE GREATEST EVER.
No, no it wasn't. Damian Lillard hasn't proved anything yet. This is also the team that had Greg Oden, and I can't take any team that rostered him for an extended period of time seriously. HAHAHAHAHA.
One more sports related talker and not walker? My beloved Toronto Blue Jays. Yes, I am a Jays fan (and not because they are Canadian). I am a fan of the offense-first, home-run jacking, crazy we-don't-care about anything attitude that this team has had for the past 10 years. But damn, we haven't done anything. BUT EVERY YEAR our GM trots out and tells the world how awesome our off-season was, how this team is different, how we spent more money....blah blah blah. CLEARLY SOMETHING ISN'T WORKING. We play in the AL East where 2 of the teams will outspend us every year, and are baseball meccas. Something needs to be done that's different! Field a team that's engineered to beat up on average pitching and a collection of old guys! I need the Blue Jays to do what the Tigers did this year. Re-tool the roster and get younger and faster. Small ball and Long ball!
Interesting that your only examples for "gracious champions" were all white guys...... ;-) Also, I don't know, yet, if I really count Peyton Manning as a champion. I still believe that if it doesn't start raining during that Super Bowl against the Bears, then he goes 0-3 in the Super Bowl. The Bears jumped out on them quick, but once it turned into Peyton Manning vs. Rex Grossman, obviously, Peyton Manning prevailed. He did not play well against the Saints (not to mention that Caldwell played it waaaay too safe) and, well, we all know what happened in his third appearance.
Surprisingly, none of those really bother me all that much, though. Perhaps it is my fault and that I have put my faith (or too much faith, at least) in the wrong people over the years, but I'm not too annoyed when people don't follow through with what they say they are going to do. It happens and you just learn not to take it personal. That's what I do. If someone lets me down - no worries, I'll give them another go later.
Perhaps you are right that it is a cultural shift that I've just adapted to? It's sort of like when people say "Maybe" to an event.....months in advance..... just say "No" because that's what you're wanting to say, but you know that it looks bad if you say "No" to something months in the future because, unless you're insanely popular, odds are you don't have anything else going on. So, really, the "Maybe" is saying: "Meh, it sounds interesting enough to where I'll keep it in mind, but not interesting if something better comes around....in a few months....so I have got to keep my options open."
Once you went the sports route, then you really lost me on this topic, haha. Sports is a branch of entertainment, and so -- in this respect -- that is how I view it. When the actor is doing the late night tour talking about how amazing this next movie is, you know they don't really mean it -- you can tell by the trailer that it is going to be a shitty movie, BUT if they say it's a shitty movie, then no one will go see it, and then producers will be less inclined to pay them to make movies in the future. It's the same thing with sports.
Like when LeBron left the Cavs -- which really should have surprised NO ONE.....
(Side Note: Whenever your all-star player refuses to extend their contract during the regular season, start shopping them for a trade, because they are definitely leaving. ESPECIALLY when that player is like LeBron James, who carried a weak roster to the championship series, and there are several contenders who will pay him, he is DEFINITELY leaving. To all of the people of Cleveland who were burning his jersey after he left: YOU ANNOY ME. What POSSIBLY made you think that he was going to stay with the Cavs??? He's the best basketball player IN THE WORLD, he had done everything he could to win in Cleveland, he resisted signing during the season, and it was no secret that he was being highly coveted by big markets that could (and eventually would) pay him big money AND give him a chance to win.... what turned out to be....multiple championships. Stupid. The Cavs' front office knew he was leaving -- or, at the very least, were not optimistic that he was coming back -- that's why they required season ticket holders to renew their tickets before "The Decision" haha. Because who wants to watch the crappy Cavs if LeBron isn't playing for them??? End Side Note)
....and the owner (Dan Gilbert?) made the silly proclamation that they were better without LeBron and he guaranteed that they would win a championship before he did in Miami .....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...... because that makes sense. It wasn't a matter of "if" LeBron would win a championship in Miami, it was more of a "when" and "how many" question.
I think that A-Rod is a bad example, in this case. Or, rather, his salary is irrelevant. I thought it was annoying when the Seattle fans started taunting him with Monopoly money and calling him Pay-Rod. The Rangers were offering to pay him more than SOME COUNTRIES make!!!! COUNTRIES!!!!!! Why would he say 'no thanks'? It's not like the Mariner's were a winning franchise -- not to say that the Rangers were, but, c'mon, who can fault the guy for taking that payday? I can't. If someone came to me and said: "Hey, how about I pay you $200M to do Tournaments of Champions for half of the year for the next 10 years?" -- I'd sell out in a heart beat. I don't fault A Rod for that. Did he use steroids or PEDs? Yeah, but so did a lot of other players that no one seems to upset about. Did he lie about it? I think so, but, again, that's not something new either. People who take these actions personally and get offended annoy me. It's a business. None of these guys are personal friends of ours, so who really cares? By and large, they are only important to us when they're on our team and playing well.
I don't know how the Blazer part fits in, though. Are you saying that the Blazers talk a big game but don't back it up? Or that the Blazer fans talk too much without having anything to show for it? If the former, I disagree -- they were a legitimate 5-seed; sure, their series with Houston was exciting because both teams lacked a defense (read: high scoring, which the people love), and they were evenly matched (Blazers won in 6, I believe, but only one game was really won soundly; the Rockets could have just as easily won that series if a handful of plays go different).... after all, the Blazers and Rockets finished the season with the same record, so it was a pretty even match. Perhaps, with the Mavs taking the Spurs to 7 games, they got some confidence and started acting like they were better than they were, but I don't think that the Blazers talked the talk but failed to walk the walk. They played a tough series against a worthy adversary (to which the media may have over-hyped), but then got put in their place by the vastly superior team in the next round.
As for the Blazer fans -- fans in the Pacific Northwest are an odd bunch. When you look at the sports landscape (geographically speaking), you've got Portland and Seattle -- roughly 170 miles apart -- with successful franchises in the Seahawks, Blazers, and Winnerhawks....that's it. The next closest franchises that are successful are either a) in San Francisco 630 miles away; or b) Denver 1200 miles away. That's a lot of land to cover and so PNW fans tend to go way overboard to compensate for the fact that they are a geographical fan base that (prior to the Seahawks winning this past season) was championship STARVED.
Just how starved? Starved to the point that I have to mention the junior hockey league team (who, for the record, has won more of their league championships in the past 4 years than the Blazers and Seahawks have in their entire histories....) in the list of successful franchises -- because the Mariners are not good, Seattle kicked out the Sonics, and neither city has the NHL. A region as vast as the PNW with just 3 major sports franchises between them?? That's sad.
Oh, and they picked the MLS over MLB -- that's another weird PNW fan base move, too. I don't understand that at all, and I'm still very upset that the Timbers kicked out the Beavers. I miss my summer baseball games -- that's why I'm going up to Seattle to a Mariner's game this summer (holla at me if you want to go).
So, yeah, they go all-in with their franchises and a lot of that is done through talking. But don't pick on them too much because it's a rather tortured fan base. Again, this gets sort of messed up, now, that the Seahawks won last year, BUT, prior to that: the Seahawks had never won a championship; the Mariner's haven't been relevant in at least a decade; the Blazers hadn't made it to the second round of the playoffs in 14yrs; the Sonics have been gone for....geez... I don't even know how long now.....; and, again, I have to count the junior hockey league team -- comprised of mostly guys not old enough to drink -- as one of their most successful franchises..... junior....hockey....league.
In short: the inability to walk the walk after talking the talk doesn't really annoy me that much. That sucks that you're a Jays fan -- I would have guessed Tigers since you're a stone's throw from Daytwa -- but my beloved Rockies aren't much to write about, either.
Andrew is up now and here is what he has....
The most annoying thing ever : People who don't know how to walk.
This manifests itself in a myriad of ways: 1) take up a whole walkway ... 2) can't walk in a straight line .... 3) walk slow ... 4) walk with their heads down (usually staring at a phone), and ... 5) stop walking in front of escalators/elevators/suddenly stop in the middle of a walkway..
1) You and your family/group of friends are not the most important people on earth. You're not a VIP and the sidewalk is not a red carpet. When you and your group are walking and taking up pretty much the whole path and someone else is walking the other way, it shouldn't be incumbent on that other person to step out of the way, step on the street, walk on grass/dirt, and/or contort himself in awkward positions so as to not bump into you. Of course, if you decide to own your path and not move and bump into them, you're the rude one. Move aside person on the end. Not walking in lockstep with your group for five seconds won't force you to miss on an amazing joke or some great gossip. It may prevent someone from putting a voodoo curse on you though.
2) Walking in a straight line is so simple and intuitive that it's used for sobriety tests. Seriously, this is a thing that's used to prove you're not incapacitated, yet in regular life, this is such a hard concept. You shouldn't be swaying across the sidewalk. If you don't have the ability to walk in a straight line, then pick the spot in between cement slabs on the sidewalk, and follow that line. It'll make people hate you less.
3) I walk fast. If you like to stroll and take your time, no problem! But stay to the side. Especially if you're also doing anything else on this list. (note: this is more for sidewalks as opposed to places like parks or other 'scenic' areas. Stroll all you want there. I'm the rude one in that situation.)
4) I seriously don't understand this, especially when it's a crowded sidewalk. Do people honestly believe that they can properly navigate crowds if they never look up? Is everyone else so unimportant/subordinate to whatever is on your phone that we all need to make way for you so you don't bump into anything? If someone walked up to you and slapped the phone out of your hand, would it cause separation anxiety? This has happened at least twice every day for the past two weeks. I'm just waiting for someone to walk straight into a sign. It's bound to happen soon.
5) The. Worst. This is the ultimate in being terrible at walking. How can you just stand there and not realize you are in the way of literally everyone walking in the same direction in which you were previously moving? What thought process leads you to believe that suddenly stopping and not moving off to the side is totally an okay thing to do? Why must everyone else walk around you, because you're lost or want to take a photo or a butterfly caught your attention? Would you just stop on the highway or start taking an exit, realize it's the wrong one, then back up? Wait, don't answer that....
As Portland is not really a "walking" city -- pedestrian traffic isn't something that I see a whole lot of -- I can only speak to a few of your annoyances, to which I fully agree with. People moving slow -- in general -- is one of the biggest annoyances in my life. Granted, most of which is contained to the automobile, but when I do go to places like grocery stores or airports, I do encounter a lot of these annoyances.
The phone one is also pretty annoying, in general. I was actually talking with everyone's favorite Guamanian last weekend about how much people are on their phones nowadays. I know that would be me if I went for the smart phone -- which is why I stick with my slightly-above-average-intelligence phone, instead. However, I think that if I lived in a place that had a lot of foot traffic, that peoples general lack of attention to their surroundings because they are immersed in their phone (or their own little world) would certainly be annoying.
Part of me -- and I say this occasionally, haha -- wishes that I was mean enough to lower my shoulder into someone and then step over them, when they're on the ground; it's the ultimate show of dominance and disrespect, haha. OH, like here, in when Pippen dunked on Ewing....
...Look how mad that made Ewing when Pippen stepped over him!!! Yeah, part of me secretly wants to do that when walking past people on the street. But, that would not be warranted or nice to do, so I restrain myself. But it would be something.
Probably the most annoying thing of the lot that I can relate to is the part about people walking slow and not getting over to the side. To me, it's the same principle that applies to automobile traffic: if you're going super slow on the right-hand side and someone is pushing up against you from behind, then they are the prick; but if you're going super slow on the left-hand side, then that makes YOU the prick. Whenever I hear stories from people about being tailgated by some jerk, the first thing that I have to ask is: "How fast were you going?" Followed up with "What lane were you in?" Has this gotten me in trouble with past girlfriends? Definitely, but I have to ask! It is an important element to the story!!! haha
Even though, walking in a crowd isn't something that I do a whole lot of, I probably have less annoyances by people who don't follow through with their word; whereas I can translate a lot of the walking traffic annoyances to other areas of traffic annoyances that are VERY apparent in my everyday life. Ergo, an upset is born as I advance Andrew to the Enduring 8 round of the 2014 May Mayhem Tournament of Champions; to face Boone Diggity Langston for the World Men's Championship.
And now, a quick break before closing out the day with the Portland Women's Semi-Final match-up between 2) Tara Walsh and 3) Kristin Johnson....
As you may know, I am a man of opportunity, and I like making the most of my dollars. That's why I went to Stanford's -- the Official Restaurant of Ryan Henley -- so much during the month of March: 1) I had a few holiday gift cards expiring at the end of March that I had to use; 2) it was the month-long Spring Give-a-way promotion in March, where every card was a winner of at least 10% discount and up to one grand prize of $2500; and, 3) it was a TRIPLE-REWARDS month for members such as myself... so, instead of going with an expertly grilled New York Peppersteak for a mere 35 points, I was raking it in for 105 POINTS!! THAT, my friends, is making the most of a great situation.
For my fellow UP grads of the past decade, here's another great opportunity to capitalize on: for every new gift made to the U until the the end of June, it is going to be matched with $100. So you're $10 becomes $110....$20 becomes $120....and so on LIKE MAGIC. So, if you like making the most of great situations, give a gift today, and I'll see you down at the Happy Hour in a couple of weeks.
And now, on with the final match-up of the round......
First up, the challenger, Kristin Johnson....
"The Most Annoying Thing Ever: When someone puts condiments on the communal dish (or wax paper) of tots."
Dear Lord....*shaking head*...... that annoys me. I have already went into my thoughts on condiments, in general, and how they are completely unnecessary for the 3% of added pleasure that they may bring to whatever it is you are applying them to. BUT when condiments get put onto the communal dish or wax paper with consulting with the rest of the group......that is annoying.
There are some instances in life where taking the initiative is a good thing -- displaying leadership qualities and so forth....but when it comes to communal food, it is annoying.
For one, not everyone (me) wants ketchup on tots or fries. I can't be the only one, I just may be the only one who vocalizes it more than others, haha. If you're like-minded: DO NOT BE AFRAID!! Eat your fries and tots as God intended them -- fried and salty -- without the fear of being judged as being weird or whatever; we're an advanced species because we don't need to mask the crunch and sweet goodness of fried potatoes, nor do we need additives to enjoy good things in life. EMBRACE IT. Just like when condiment-loving folks get annoyed when people add more salt to an already salty-dish without asking anyone else, it's the same principle.
Furthermore, every establishment recognizes this inherent truth that condiments are not necessary -- that's why condiments are almost always "on the side" and not directly on whatever it is you are eating; save for burgers and such like that (mayo is often a staple of those, so I always have to state that I want it "dry").
As it comes to tots and fries, though, that is why they give little plates to go along with the basket of goods: so that condiments can be applied to the little plates and those who want to do some dipping are free to do so, but it doesn't immediately devalue the entire basket of fries/tots.
As for putting condiments on the wax paper, normally, this doesn't bother me; I'll simply just eat the tots/fries on the opposite side and call it good. After all, 99% of the time that I'm eating fries/tots some where, I'm drinking and hanging out, and in no hurry. HOWEVER, that 1% of the time when the fries/tots are just a brief layover between Point A and Point B, then putting condiments on the wax paper is incredibly annoying.
Why? Because then you can't bring them with you. Say, for example, we are having dinner at 5:30pm before a 7pm Winnerhawks game -- hypothetically, of course -- and, so, we have about an hour at the bar before heading to the stadium, and, let's say that someone ordered enough fries, tots, and mini corndogs for a dozen people -- despite there only being a handful. Now, hypothetically, the leftover food could be brought along for the walk to the stadium, and, if necessary, smuggled into the stadium, via the wax paper. It's why -- I reckon -- that they put that stuff on wax paper -- it doesn't get soggy or disintegrate like paper-based napkins, etc., do when exposed to grease.
But, oh wait....someone put ketchup on the wax paper. Well, not only can it not be transported now (otherwise the pure tots would get mashed in with said ketchup) to snack upon, BUT it also cannot be smuggled into the stadium, either, because who is going to put something in their pocket that has a glob of ketchup in it??? Best case scenario: you dig in for a tot after the game starts and you get one with ketchup on it -- which is a gross surprise. And that's the BEST case scenario. Worst case? The ketchup gets all over the inside of your pocket and now you have to walk around for the rest of the night with ketchup pooling in your pocket. Terrible.
That is annoying. My hope is that everyone who reads this can please, please, use the separate dishes that are provided for the pouring of condiments. Not everyone subscribes to the idea that condiments are necessary, they just may not be as vocal about it as I am. Thank you.
Okay, let us see what Tara has in store for us this night....
"People : The most annoying thing(s) ever.
Freakin' people who enter the bathroom stall right next to you even though the rest of them are free. When bros wear sunglasses indoors. When you stop mid-sneeze when you totally have to sneeze again. MLS Soccer (this is for you, not me). Low showerheads. People who wear lace up shoes to the airport. Girls who wear high heels to <insert any professional/semi-professional sport here>. Bicyclists who ride on Germantown and Skyline...in the rain...when its dark...and then get all pissy when you almost hit them. When my cat throws up on the carpet when 90% of our house is hardwood floors. The economy. People who blame everything on said 'economy'. Other people's children. People who quote themselves on Facebook. People who like their own statuses on Facebook. Keeping with the Facebook theme...people who leave ambiguous Facebook statuses and the proceed to ask for privacy when you ask 'what's wrong' or 'are you ok'- I will defriend you....I will. Sober weddings. When I drop my phone in the toilet and then it continues to work so I can't buy a new one but it's still POS. That freakin' Subaru commercial that makes me cry EVERY TIME. Why we get sun on weekdays and rain on weekends...EVERY DAMN WEEK. Drivers who change lanes just to avoid a backup and then speed up to the front of the lane only to turn on their blinker to get back into the original lane. You did not just find some secret magical passageway like a wardrobe in a C.S. Lewis novel that no other driver knows about. You are just a prick and just told the entire city of Portland (or at least part of Hwy 26)."
Tara! Letting out some rage! I like it! First and foremost, I am rather confident that, if I didn't have to drive anywhere, and thus never encountered traffic, I would eliminate 75-80% of my overall stress in life. It's something that upsets me but also makes me feel pretty good at the same time: to be able to say, honestly, that 75-80% of my stress in life comes from having to deal with drivers who don't know what they are doing, that must mean that things are pretty good overall. I have heard that the East Coast drivers are worse....but I have no idea how that is possible. The PNW drivers are awful. So much so that many of you may know me as the nice guy who is awesome and charming, but... oh my God.... driving in this city brings a very dark side to the forefront of my presentation. So yeah, anything traffic-related definitely annoys me.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't hate the MLS. I just don't think it is as big of a deal as the people of Portland make it out to be. Sure, it may be wildly popular here....but it's not a relevant league. And, sure, I did put a curse on the Timbers when they kicked out the Beavers, but I will certainly lift that curse when baseball returns to Portland. Until then, sorry Timbers fans, but I doubt you'll have much success. My curse on Cleveland has been going strong now for almost 7 years........get comfortable.
Quick opinion on the MLS: I don't like how badly it wants to be European. From the franchise names that, here, make no sense, to the jerseys, and even the bizarre post-season schedule (best of 2 games? With the sum of total goals? And two weeks between the games??? What????). It also bothers me that they didn't incorporate our national colors into the logo design. If we want to impress the Europeans with our European-style soccer -- fine, then do so. But, personally, I would have much rather had seen an American-ized version of the game, because it is something that we are capable of achieving.
Cyclists...... another opinion of mine that is sometimes misunderstood and often a source of contention with the bike-commuting folks that I associate with regularly. Contrary to popular belief, I don't hate cyclists, either. I don't want to see them get hit/killed by cars; I don't joke about getting bonus points for said collisions; etc. However, I don't like them on the road -- not because I'm not a sharing and generous guy, but because it is simply not safe for them, in my opinion. The average cyclist can do, what?, maybe 15mph consistently? If that much. Why being on the roadway with cars traveling 3x, maybe 4x, that speed sounds like a good idea is beyond me. "4x the speed? That'd be 60mph!! That's freeway speed; that's way above the posted speed limit!" People who cite the "speed kills" argument really annoy me. Does speed play a factor? Of course. But you can be lethal with a car at 20mph.... if you're not paying attention to what you're doing. It annoys me because people drive at 40-45mph because that's what a little sign tells them to do.
Those speed limits were erected back when cars were really dangerous at higher speeds. Now? Modern cars (like Sunny, my 2005 Hyundai Sonata -- Hyundai: the Official Car of Ryan Henley...getting some plugs in....) are VASTLY superior in every way than cars even from the early 90s. Technology has improved our cars at a rate that speed limits have yet to match. Cruising at 40-45mph is absurd to me, when I'm capable of remaining in complete control of my car, with THREE FINGERS, at speeds of up to about 60mph confidently. Any higher and I may go full hand. Why?? Because I know what I'm doing and I PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS GOING ON!!!! That irritates me about drivers here. Always on their phone or doing things while driving -- that's why (I imagine) they wait until the LAST EFFING SECOND to change out of an exit only lane.... even though there had been signs warning them about said exit only for MILES in advance. MILES. Even if doing 60mph, that means that you had AT LEAST two whole MINUTES to get your head in the game. That irritates me to no end when that happens, and it happens a lot.
Back to cyclists -- it's not that I don't like them (well, that may be part of it...what is with the spandex and aerodynamic helmets? You're not sponsored, and you're not racing... odds are you're going to a desk job -- I don't wear my sports apparel to work; it makes no sense to me) but I don't know why cyclists get the pass to ride in the street. And, no, I don't mean on the bike lane, I mean in the street. When they ride into the turn lanes to turn with traffic -- that shouldn't happen. YOU ARE NOT A VEHICLE!!! GET OUT OF TURN LANES!!! You should have to cross at the corner like every other non-motorized mode of transportation. Why did the bicycle get a pass, though? Why can't skate boards, roller blades, or pedestrians be in the roadway? They're just as mobile (maybe even more so, in terms of reaction time) as bicycles. You better not say anything about bicycles being faster as the reason why.......
As much as the condiments on communal things annoys me, that's often perpetuated by some of my favorite people and so I don't let it bother me too much (after all, the only time I ever eat with people are people who I genuinely enjoy being around, so I can deal .... and just tell the story to new people, haha), whereas, as stated, 75-80% of the things that make me really mad in life come from traffic and things that Tara brought up, so I'll advance Tara to the Portland Women's Championship match in the next round of the Tournament.
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And, just like that, the Smooth 16 round of the 2014 May Mayhem Tournament of Champions is over! Only the Enduring 8 now remain! The pace of the game picks up, now, in the later rounds, with the Enduring 8 (Regional Championships) coming up on Sunday and Monday, respectively (that's right - I work on holidays); then the Famed Four (Conference Championship) on Wednesday and Thursday; before getting to the 2014 Tournament Championship next Saturday!
-Ryan.
Commissioner
May Mayhem Tournament of Champions
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