First, as always, to honor America....
And, a quick reminder, the first Thursday of June is the GOLD-exclusive Happy Hour event over at Spirit of 77 in inner NE. Come join as fellow Good People and Pilots gather for food, drinks, and games.
If the 2014 Tournament Champion of Champions comes out of the Portland Conference (Kristen/Tara or Maui/Stephen), I have secured a special tribute to them at the event. Regardless, it'll be a good time.
For those of you who missed the last post, the topic for advancement in this round of the Tournament will be the filling in the blank to the question:
"________ : The Greatest Actor Ever"
And NOW, kicking off this opening day of the Enduring 8, for the World Women's Championship: 3) Janelle Johnson vs. 13) Emily Wizola!
First up, the challenger, Emily, with her submission of....
"Morgan Freeman. Really all I need to say is Shawshank Redemption. Best…movie…ever…In addition to Se7en, Million Dollar Baby and The Dark Knight, he also has the best voice ever to narrate March of the Penguins. And hey, he was cast as God."
Good pick.... Morgan Freeman is truly a Hall of Famer. The only knock that I have against Morgan Freeman, which I remember hearing somewhere and now I can't forget, is that he does essentially play the same character in all of his big roles: the wise, seasoned mentor to a young guy.
In Shawshank, he was the mentor-figure for Andy; in Se7en, he was the mentor-figure to Brad Pitt's character; in the Dark Knight trilogy, to Bruce Wayne; Bruce Almighty, he sort of was a mentor-figure to Bruce, when Bruce was struggling with the responsibilities of being God. Granted, he hasn't always been that type of character, BUT his more famous roles tend to have him in that sort of portrayal. He nails every time, but, in that regard, he kind of is one-dimensional.
Also, now that I list it out, he's very rarely the man of the show. He's often the side-kick or a complimentary character. Which is weird only because he's not a "That One Guy" type of actor; everyone knows who he is, so it is rather weird that he's not often the man. For example, one of my personal favorites, Denzel Washington, it is very rare that Denzel Washington is just in a movie....it's almost always a Denzel Washington movie. However, again, in Shawshank it was really about Andy; Se7en was about Brad Pitt's character; both of the Almighty movies were about Bruce and Evan, respectively; Dark Knight was, obviously, about Batman -- not Lucius Fox; even movies where he has been, by and large, the biggest name on the marquee (i.e. Wanted, maybe Angelina Jolie -- name-wise -- is on par or bigger...?) he tends to play auxiliary or support roles.
Those would be the only knocks that I could offer against Morgan Freeman, but, knocks aside, he plays great roles in really great movies, and he's not the kind of guy who takes an off-night, either. I don't think I've ever seen him in a movie and thought: "Why'd you do it, Morgan?? Why'd you do it??" Which is not often something that I can say about other actors of his esteem. Still a good pick, in that regard.
And now, Janelle, with her submission of....
"Jim Carrey!!!!"
Quite the wild-card pick by Janelle, but I can dig it. Jim Carrey is what Tom Green would have been like had he grown out of the MTV phase of his career.
Most of Jim Carrey's early stuff was not good -- in my opinion. Both in terms of movies as well as his sketch comedy on In Living Color. Look at his IMDb roster: Copper Mountain: The Club Med Experience, is regularly ranked in my Top 5 Worst Movies That I've Ever Seen -- yes, I keep track of this -- it could be Top 3, if not for my uncertainty on if it really should be considered a feature-length film; Cable Guy wasn't great, everything about the Batman and Robin movie was a disaster (so he doesn't take the sole fall for that one); and Dumb & Dumber had moments where I really wanted to turn it off. While a potentially unpopular opinion, but Ace Ventura was, by and large, annoying; both the character and the movie on the whole (save for a few scenes that I really enjoyed, like this one....)
BUT he has grown up beyond the really childish/immature comedies: Eternal Sunshine being a solid movie with a great performance, in my opinion; Liar Liar, to me, is a classic '90s comedy, in the same conversation as Mrs. Doubtfire and There's Something About Mary; Truman Show was well-done; Man on the Moon was a great acting performance due to his portrayal of not only Kaufman but all of his own characters, as well; and The Mask, to an extent -- featuring an often overlooked Cameron Diaz, by the way.
And while I can certainly make a case for why Jim Carrey is a good actor, I don't think that I can make a case for why he is the greatest actor; and, likely, not on the same level that Morgan Freeman is on, so I'll be advancing Emily to the Famed Four as the World Women's Regional Champion!
A quick word of support for my favorite cake-maker and 2014 Tournament participant (out of the Portland Women's Region), Melissa Newcombe!!
June is right around the corner, which means that there are graduations, Father's Day, and summer wedding season on the horizon. Do you have any special event in your life that needs to be represented by a beautiful and DELICIOUS custom cake?? Look no further than Melissa!
Sponge Bob?? The Cookie Monster???? Wow!! These are impressive!!
Wedding cakes and a Minion, too?? Are you kidding me????
...and an edible shoe.... AN EDIBLE SHOE!?!?! WITH STITCHING MARKS!!! What attention to detail - it is ridiculously awesome!! She can do it all because she is a WIZARD!!
Do you want to be a cake-making wizard, too? Want to see what goes into making glorious works of edible art??? YOU ARE IN LUCK!!! Melissa will be hosting TWO cake-making classes in the month of June (for those of you in the Portland Metro Area) as a warm up for teaching classes at the Camas Community College. Those two June classes (June 1 or June 28, 2pm-5pm both days) will be on making....are you sitting down??.... HOME-MADE ICE CREAM AND ICE CREAM CAKES!!!!! FROM....SCRATCH. AND, if that wasn't enough, you take home your ice cream and ice cream cake at the end of the class. Amazing.
You guarantee you that you will not find anyone better than Melissa in cake-making, so, even if you cannot attend her classes (or prefer to be more of a spectator/devourer), if you ever need a custom cake made for a special event or party, do look into her -- she does an AMAZING job and is one of the sweetest people you're likely to meet. You can contact her through her website, or I can play messenger.
And now, back to business...
Ending this first part of the Regional Championship round, the match that will determine who represents the Portland Men's Region for the overall Portland Conference Championship later this week: 2) Chris Maui Taketa vs. 16) Stephen Cannon!
**Warning: Some adult language follows. Reader discretion is advised**
With the Portland Men's Regional Championship on the line, first, we hear from the challenger: Stephen Cannon, and his response to the greatest actor ever....
"Tom Hanks. (I probably don't need to explain myself, because that guy is amazing, not to mention likable)"
Oh snap! Stephen Cannon is in it to win it! I sure hope that Maui is packing his A-game for this showdown. Tom Hanks is probably one of the greatest actors ever, for sure. There are only two movies of his that I have been told were not very good -- The Ladykillers and Cloud Atlas -- neither of which I ever saw. However, I flirted with drafting him #1 overall when BDub and I did our Actor Draft earlier this year, but got him as my 5th pick (9th overall), instead; probably the best 5th round pick in the history of 5th round picks. Although, I concede the fact that it was a mistake that we both passed on him to start, 2 of my first 4 picks probably were justified; they definitely are in league with Tom Hanks.
But yeah, this is a great pick. If you're looking for a guy who can do almost everything, Tom Hanks has to be near the top -- if not on its summit. Action movies (in the stereotypical sense) are probably the only movies that he can't really do; that and being a bad guy. Tom Hanks as a villain would feel too weird, I think. I wonder if he's ever been a villain before? Like a true villain. From what I understand, in Ladykillers, he was kind of the bad guy, but it was a comedy of sorts, so he was like a cartoon-y bad guy.
Tom Hanks has been in some of my favorite movies -- Saving Private Ryan, A League of Their Own, Big, Joe Versus the Volcano, Forrest Gump, Sleepless in Seattle, The Money Pit Road to Perdition -- can play a variety of roles, and always does a great performance -- even if the movie, itself, isn't successful/good.
Tom Hanks also holds the rare distinction of being involved with 2 of my Top 3 Saddest Moments in Movie History.... (#3) when, in Toy Story, that scene when Andy's room is changing from the Western theme to the space man theme, culminating with Andy cleaning up his toys and having to decide -- between Woody and Buzz -- which toy sleeps with him and which one goes into the bin.....and he chooses Buzz.....that hurts....incredibly sad to see yourself getting replaced and having no way to stop it; and then (#1), in Cast Away, when Wilson floats off into the ocean, while Tom Hanks tries desperately to swim to him, without losing hold on the raft, before realizing that it is either attempting to save Wilson and accepting certain-death, or returning to the raft but abandoning the only "friend" he has had for the past 4 years....and having to choose the raft.....
....and then, he tosses his make-shift oars into the water, as if deciding that he no longer wants to live anymore. The saddest moment in movie history..... and only Tom Hanks can make someone care so much about an inanimate object that you get super depressed when it floats off into the ocean.
I agree with Stephen that he is also incredibly likeable, too. I would hang out with Tom Hanks if he'd let me, but I'm likely not cool enough. I don't blame him, though.
Speaking of not cool enough, though, Maui steps up to the plate now to deliver his submission for the greatest actor ever, and he selects....
Denzel Washington: The Greatest Actor Ever
I was going to go with Tom Hanks, but then I remembered that this
shit is chess, not checkers. So I have to go with Denzel fucking
Washingtion.
His breakout performance was in
Glory, with arguably one of the greatest scenes in cinematic history. He
is getting whipped by some white guy, and the white guy is telling him
his name is Toby. And denzel is like, Nah N*gga, my name is mother
fucking Kunta Kinte. And they keep whipping him. Oh wait, I think that
was actually from Chapelle Show, my bad. This is the scene where he is
getting whipped and he is just looking at the guy and that single tear
come running down his face. Amazing.
Then he goes on dominating a bunch of other movies
like Malcolm X, Philadelphia, Crimson Tide, Courage Under Fire, and the
Preachers Wife with Bobby Browns punching bag. Up until that point he
has built up an absolutely solid acting career.
Then he stars in He Got Game, with Jesus
Shuttlesworth himself, in probably the best basketball movie ever made.
Hurricane, Remember the Titans, then my favorite of his movies, Training
Day. What a fucking badass. When those two crack heads were gonna rape
that girl, he comes over and straightens them out. "You told me to suck
your dick???" And then his this shit is chess not checkers line, and
"KING KONG AINT GOT SHIT ON ME". Tom Hanks best quote was "life is like a
box of chocolates". LAME.
Antwone Fisher, Man on Fire, Manchurian Candidate,
Inside Man, American Gangster, and Flight. This guy has absolutely
dominated the past 20 years, and he is only in his prime. Every time I
hear Denzel is in a movie, I think to myself, Oh, it must be a good
movie.
I would have gone in to much more detail, but Henley
would have just truncated my response anyway, so this is all you get.
Short and sweet, just like me.
I could have done a wayyyyyy better job but i have to fucking play
golf, and fucking stephen took Tom Hanks. But I honestly talked myself
into Denzel. He is definitely more badass, and Tom Hanks aint got shit
on that Glory scene.
Maui showed up to play, too. And, yes, I probably would have truncated another 3-page rant; it gets the people to read more later. That's just good journalism. And Denzel is a great pick. Easily one of my favorite actors. Although, you did get one thing wrong, Maui, Tom Hanks' best quote is "Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball!!" from A League of Their Own. He was brilliant in that movie. And I wholly agree that He Got Game is the best basketball movie ever made. Some people will say that Hoosiers is better, but I don't see how it could be; it doesn't have Denzel Washington in it. Nor does it have Ray "Jesus Shuttlesworth" Allen.
Furthermore, Hoosiers doesn't show the whole story of what being a blue chip recruit is like (side note: Blue Chips was pretty good - Nick Nolte, Shaq, Penny Hardaway. end side note), with people asking for/expecting money, having to deal with family and "friends", going on college visits when Rick Fox brings you to a room with two smoking-hot coeds....even down to the smaller things in life like having to be aware of rules and regulations (i.e. when riding around in a shiny new car). It's a hassle, for sure.
I am pretty sure that Tom Hanks has Denzel beat in the hardware department, but he can't match up against Denzel's swagger and memorability. Everything from the "chess not checkers" line to when he puts Cuba Gooding, Jr. in his place with the lecture on copyright infringement, to that scene where, right before sending that bazooka through the corrupt Mexican police's entourage, when the old people start talking about granting forgiveness instead of violence, and Denzel says: "Forgiveness is between them and God; it's my job to arrange the meeting"!!
HOW DO YOU COMEBACK TO THAT?!?!?! You can't!!! And that's why the old people SAT DOWN and gave that "Dios mios" look to each other. You do not mess, nor interfere, with Denzel Washington when he's avenging the (believed) death of a little girl.
True story: when navigating NW Portland, I always refer to "Hoyt Ave" as "Officer Hoyt" and say so as Denzel does in Training Day. But, most notably, in my fanfare of Denzel Washington movies comes from Training Day, also, when he states: "It's not what you know, it's what you can prove" -- which has been a life motto of mine since I saw that movie. You don't need to read the whole text book or chapter, you just have to be able to know enough about it that they cannot prove that you didn't read the whole text book or chapter. It's not what you know to be true, it's what you can prove.
These both would easily be in my Top 4 of all-time... right up there with the likes of Sam Jackson (who has been in everything) and Daniel Day-Lewis (who can play anything)... but I have to go with Denzel on this one. There are not many people that can beat Tom Hanks, but I think that Denzel is one of them. Stephen had a good run and, really, put a good effort into it, too. We'll see if Maui can live up to the mounted pressure of the Famed Four, or if he's going to shrink away like the Spurs are coming to town.
####
With two Regional Champions identified, we can celebrate Memorial Day by crowning the other half of the Famed Four, moving ever so steadily closer to crowning the new Champion of Champions!
-Ryan.
Commissioner
May Mayhem Tournament of Champions
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