Welcome to Day 3 of the Smooth 16 round of the 2014 May Mayhem Tournament of Champions! There are already four of the Enduring 8 identified, and, by the end of this post, we will have two more to add to the mix; as well as having identified the Regional Championship match-ups for the Portland Men's and the World Women's Regional Championships in the next round! Get excited.
But first, as always, to honor America, R&B legend Brian McKnight from some Chargers' game in the past.... look at all of those empty seats.... way to represent San Diego.....
And NOW, without further delay, today's action!! Starting off with the World Women's Semi-Final match between 1) Jennifer Mattson and 13) Emily Wizola!
First, let's let us hear from the challenger, Emily Wizola, who broke the medium barrier in the Tournament by sending along a video (watch at your own risk), to go along with her response....
"Thinking about this incredibly annoying (and semi racist) song every time I eat Chinese food: the most annoying thing ever."
[Warning: once you watch this crappy music video, you cannot un-watch it.]
Wow... that is annoying. I can't speak to the semi-racist part -- Maui, is this offensive to you? -- but, yeah, that was really annoying. There is something about little girls that are just innately annoying. Could it be the unpleasantly high-pitched voice? Could it be the tendency to whine and complain? Perhaps the mood swings and over-reaction? I don't know, but I've never been around young girls and been happy to be there. This will be the greatest challenge with the Goddaughter -- I'm going to have to really burn some calories making sure that she is not annoying.
Probably, the only thing more annoying than the 12-ish year old girls is when they think that they are "stars". Like this girl. Sure, she may be pleasant to be around for all that I know, but I think she definitely has a diva attitude developing. If you're still young enough to get grounded by your parents, then you're not a "star". I'm not even sure why this song exists, really. It's not good. It's not creative, it's not interesting, she's not a great singer, and she's like 12 years old. Who is buying this?? Oh wait, I know the answer to that question....
It also turns out to be the product of that madman that brought us that super crappy "Friday, Friday, gettin' down on Friday" song.....and, it's even crappier sequel that is based on -- are you sitting down? -- Saturday. That probably annoys me more than the song itself; knowing that this guy is allowed to keep making music when this is the sort of crap that he is steadily producing.
Also, is it just me or is it really weird that the prepubescent girl was rolling in the grass having a tickling fight with the giant panda, who then ended up being a guy in what-I-believe-to-be his late 30s??? Then they, plus her equally very under-age girl friends, were in her room, presumably unsupervised. I thought that was super creepy.
Actually, does anyone else think that it is really weird/creepy that, seemingly, all of the songs that this guy creates are performed by super underage girls? I don't remember a lot of the "Friday" video (thank God) but, in this video, how are the girl's parents watching this video and saying: "Job well done! She's going to be great!" Her voice is awful and she's rolling around on the ground with a grown man having a tickle fight!! Very questionable, in my book.
I don't want to hate on this girl too much (since she's like 12yrs old) but there should be measures in place to prevent such things from happening. It's one of the downsides of the Internet: everyone has a voice now, and we get to see that the reason why, historically, the truly talented people have been hailed for their talent, it's because those talents are rare.
I don't understand how that Bieber kid is famous. I'm told that he was on YouTube and was a big deal on there....oh, and that pre-teen girls think that he is cute or something, and so they buy all of his crap ....which then makes him profitable for big business.... and now I know his name. 20yrs ago, he would have just been some Canadian kid making other Canadians miserable. (Only the good ones used to get out back then.)
So, yes, anything with pre-teen girls singing is really annoying. And this song is also potentially offensive to folks like our very own Chris Maui Taketa. Speaking of which, we'll get to him in a little bit. But first.....
Jennifer now steps up to the plate and delivers this response...
"When on your peaceful morning jog and you see a homeless man near completion of his masturbation : the most annoying thing ever."
Wow.... I did not see that coming.... thankfully. ;-) [I laughed at that for about 7-8mins consecutively, reaching the point of tears around the 5-minute mark]
I'm not sure if this is really annoying...as much as it is either disturbing or complimentary....maybe disturbingly complimentary? If I was out jogging (haha...) and I saw a homeless person taking it to themselves, I don't think that I'd be annoyed as much as I would be disturbed.
Speaking of which, is it just me or is the homeless population surprisingly male-dominant? Granted, I hear that a lot of panhandlers in Portland aren't actually homeless (which may skew my layman statistics), but I don't often see a lot of ladies with signs or sitting in the recesses of buildings, and such. I wonder why that is?
Anyway, while the song about Chinese food is certainly not the most annoying thing ever -- the guy's other crappy underage girls songs are way more annoying -- I still think that the homeless guy pleasuring himself to attractive joggers (or when attractive joggers coincidentally job by) is more disturbingly complimentary than annoying, so I'll advance Emily to the World Women's Championship match-up in the next round, and go find Spaz -- he got spooked by my explosive laugh when I re-read my pun above.
And now, we will move along to the Portland Men's Semi-Final match up, pinning 2) Chris Maui Taketa against 3) Andrew BDub Fuchs....
 |
| Happy Hour event on Thurs., June 5th at the Spirit of 77! |
Starting off this match-up, Andrew "BDub" Fuchs -- the challenger -- and his response:
Seahawks Fans: The Most Annoying Thing Ever. (And Proud Of It)
Valid. Seahawk fans are, easily, the most annoying fan base in the NFL. To me, they are the Oregon Ducks of the NFL, in fact; with the HUGE distinction that they have now won something -- hang in there, Duck fans, one day (maybe) you'll stop beating up on crappy schools and be ready to play real competition, and win that big game..... when it actually matters.
Seahawks fans are amazingly annoying on just about every sensual level....except smell...and touch... some of them are rather pleasant to smell and touch.... but they are almost always annoying to listen to and look at it -- while in their Seahawks garb. I swear, save for Cleveland (brown and orange????), is neon green and blue the worst color combination in the NFL?? Perhaps in all of sports? I think so. Anything with "neon" as the lead-in should not exist.
And that "12th Man" nonsense is also incredibly annoying. Annoying because, for one, they stole it from Texas A&M (who has been using it since the '20s), and, two, because they act as if it is their creation. Furthermore, thirdly (I suppose), it is annoying because the Seattle fan base is a creative one -- I dig a lot of their memes that they make -- so it really annoys me that they steal an already LONG established nickname and then run with it like they made it. They have no problem generating original material and so that really annoys me. I'm just hoping that the whole "12th Man" thing goes away this season. The crowd has no impact on us in that championship game; hell, I think the Seahawks had more offensive miscues than we did.
Seahawks fans are also annoying because they show up at random places with that stupid "12" flag -- that, again, they stole from someone else but act as though they thought of it first. For example, the 49ers-Cardinals season finale last year, there was some Seahawks fan at the game with the "12" flag. Why? The hell if I know. That game meant nothing to Seattle; they had already clinched the division and the #1 seed, so why did he pay money to sit behind the goal post? Was he trying to psyche us out? Trying to motivate the Cardinals to play harder? Just being annoying?
The bandwagon fans are also very annoying. There are a lot of them. It happens. Every team that has some mild form of success will get bandwagon fans -- it happened with us when we started winning, and thus I can't go to the Chicken anymore like I used to -- but, since I'm in Seattle's market, it is much more apparent. And that really annoys me. Conservative estimate: 30% of the current "fans" were not fans 3 years ago. Hell, some of them -- *cough Bizzle Wondizzle cough* -- WOULD FORGET WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING!!!!!! How are you a fan when you forget when your team is playing???? This isn't baseball, basketball, or hockey, where there are 80-100+ games in a season....THERE ARE 16 GAMES!! 16!!!! How do you forget one??
"Oh, you know, some of us have to work and can't leave early to watch the game" -- yeah, that's true.... except that you went on Facebook confessing to Gorder that you forgot they were playing, and was about to go on a bike ride instead. "Well, it was a Thursday night game, how was I supposed to keep track of that?" Easy: 1) the schedule comes out MONTHS in advance; 2) one team only plays like 1-2 Thursday games a SEASON (at most); and, 3) it is advertised HEAVILY on that Sunday, Monday, and all throughout the week up to Thursday. TV, ESPN, ESPN.com, NFL Network, NFL online....advertised all over. Oh, and then there's the part about how -- ya know -- you're allegedly a fan who keeps track of when your TEAM IS PLAYING. God, that annoyed me.
And now, Maui, stepping to the plate, delivered this (truncated) response.....
[EXPLETIVE] EVERYTHING: The Most Annoying Thing(s) Ever.
I am answering this question less than 120 hours after my beloved Blazers have been eliminated from the playoffs. My heart and soul has been ripped out and I don't get it back for five months. And I'm also writing this only an hour or so after getting home from full day of work aka dealing with bullshit all day. I am not in a good mood right now. This is an absolutely perfect time to answer the question of what annoys me. The answer at this moment in time is [EXPLETIVE] EVERYTHING.
Where to [expletive] start? How bout I continue with something Blazer themed? I [expletive] hate people that hate on the Blazers for no [expletive] reason. Like this [expletive] [expletive] bucket Aneel. I [expletive] see you hating on the Blazers and I dont [expletive] know who you are but I bet you don't have a good reason to hate on them. You are just doing it to piss people like me off. Well you got your stupid [expletive] wish. I hate you and everyone else like you. [Removed by Maui because this part was too hateful. I dont even know this poor guy].
I [expletive] hate James Harden and his stupid [expletive] flopping. All he does is throw his body down the middle of the lane and swing his arms up and tries to get to the line. Or sometimes he'll just be standing out on the perimeter somewhere, and swing his arms through to try and draw the foul. Every thing he does is just to try and draw the foul. He is ruining the game of basketball. The only reason this [expletive] sucker gets these calls is because of his stupid [expletive] beard. "Oh look how cool his beard is. I am a dumbass and don't know anything about basketball, but I like that guys beard so I think I'll cheer for him". Because of that he gets star calls, and he is not a [expletive] star. He is the most overrated piece of [expletive] in the NBA. I [expletive] want him to die. It was so [expletive] amazing that WE were the ones to eliminate him from the playoffs this year.
I [expletive] hate traffic. I swear I only run into traffic when there is a Blazer game and I am trying to get home as fast as possible. "Durr, maybe traffic is worse on nights with Blazer games because more people are out and about." Yea shut the [expletive] up.
I hate stupid [expletive] drivers. I [expletive] hate people that drive slow. I hate people that drive slow that are oblivious to the long line of cars piling up behind them because they are driving so [expletive] slow. I hate when slow [expletive] drivers drive slow next to another slow [expletive] driver in the next lane, causing a slow [expletive] [expletive] block on the road. You figure out which [expletive] is driving less slow and get behind them and try and squeeze through, but then when you get almost enough room to squeeze through, the mother [expletive] in front of you decides to drive even [expletive] slower, and so the other stupid [expletive] in the other lane starts getting ahead. So you change lanes and get behind that ass [expletive]. And repeat the process until your stab yourself in the throat with your rear view mirror, or until you run one of them off the side of the road, or until you can finally squeeze through.
I also hate when semis get in the left lane. WHAT THE [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] ARE YOU [EXPLETIVE] DOING IN THE LEFT [EXPLETIVE] LANE. THATS MY [EXPLETIVE] LANE.
I [expletive] hate people at airports and on airplanes. This isn't the case on Southwest Airlines, the official airline of Ryan Henley, because they assign you a spot in line, but I [expletive] hate when people stand at the gate when it's not their [expletive] turn to board. It causes unnecessary congestion and confusion, and it makes you all look like [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] SUCKERS. SIT THE [EXPLETIVE] DOWN AND GET THE [EXPLETIVE] AWAY FROM THE GATE. WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A [EXPLETIVE] HURRY TO SIT IN A SEAT FOR HOURS AND HOURS??? If you are concerned about finding an overhead compartment for your big shitty luggage, PACK LESS. OR [EXPLETIVE] CHECK YOUR STUPID [EXPLETIVE] BAG. OR SET IT ON FIRE AND GO TAKE A NAP ON SAID FIRE.
And when these [expletive] finally get on the plane, I [expletive] hate it when they put their bag in an overhead compartment that is BEHIND their seat. Because then they have to back up the entire line standing in that tiny [expletive] aisle to go back to their [expletive] seat, further delaying the entire boarding process. [EXPLETIVE]
And I also hate it when someone has to get up to take a shit, and they use YOUR [EXPLETIVE] SEAT for leverage to get up out of their seats. THATS WHAT THE [EXPLETIVE] ARM RESTS ARE FOR YOU FAT [EXPLETIVE] OF A [EXPLETIVE]. DONT USE MY [EXPLETIVE] SEAT TO GET UP AND WAKE ME UP FROM MY [EXPLETIVE] PLANE SLEEP NAP. GOD [EXPLETIVE] DAMN IT.
Speaking of [expletive] bathrooms, I hate [expletive] little [expletive] that pee in the stalls instead of the urinals. What the [expletive] is wrong with you?? Is your [expletive] that much smaller than mine that you need to go hide in the stall? Do you sit down when you pee? You [expletive] gun shy pencil [expletive] piece of [expletive]. Then when I go in to take a shit, your piss is all over my seat, because I know you [expletive] dont put the seat up, because the toilet seat is [expletive] gross and covered in your [expletive] piss. Stupid mother [expletive].
Lastly I hate it when I am trying to organize a [expletive] sloshball game and then I injure my toe doing god knows what. All that work and effort for [expletive] nothing. The least I can do is be annoying on facebook and update everyone on the status of my toe. Good thing there aren't any hypocritical Asian people with big [expletive] that will call me out on how annoying I am on facebook. [Expletive].
[EXPLETIVE] EVERYTHING: The Most Annoying Thing(s) Ever.
Wow.....a veteran move there by Maui. In case you may have missed it, but he managed to legitimately sneak in ....*counts*..... 10 things to rant about, under the umbrella of "[Expletive] Everything" being the most annoying "thing" ever. And that is after I took parts out. Well-played, good sir. Maui is clearly in it to win it, now.
The only thing I disagree with him on, though, is James Harden. James Harden is not annoying and he's not overrated. He's a Top 10 talent in the NBA, which probably makes him a Top 10 talent in the global sport. That trade alone is why the Thunder will a) not win a championship and b) lose Durant to free agency. Can you imagine how DOMINANT the Thunder would be if they had Durant, Westbrook, and Harden?? Now, maybe they don't win a string of championships, but I guarantee that they get at least two, while that nucleus is together. Instead, they send him to Houston and say: "Okay, Durant and Westbrook: take this team on your back and win a championship." It's not going to happen.
I hope that some team folds and that the Sonics come back, THEN Durant (and maybe Westbrook, too) head back to Seattle. It annoys me that the Sonics don't exist. Although, the NBA is terrible to watch nowadays, so I guess I'm kind of okay with the memories of how it used to be.
It's one of those things where, when you take a lot of time off from something, you're able to look at it objectively. The NBA is, easily, the toughest to watch of the major sports. Inconsistent fouls, star-treatment, highly questionable calls, referees with vendettas and scores to settle. You can't hard foul anymore otherwise it's a flagrant, you get fined, and get chewed up in the media -- sometimes a hard foul is simply a hard foul to send a message: "Hey, if you drive the lane, you will regret it." I also don't like how trash talking isn't allowed anymore. As a prolific trash talker, that is one of my favorite parts of classic NBA games (and sports in general). The psychological aspect of sports. The likes of The Glove, Reggie Miller, Jordan, Barkley, Bird, and so on, who were so good at getting into the opponent's head and making them make stupid mistakes that could swing the game in your favor. The game was smarter then because you not only had to battle physically on the court but also mentally. It was all part of the game. But, now, it's like a popularity contest.
But, anyway, Maui is pretty spot on with this -- with the exception of Harden. Top 10 talent in the NBA....at least during the regular season. He doesn't do much during the post-season, from what it sounds like (except make bad shot selections and play crappy defense). Ergo, Maui will advance to face Stephen for the Portland Men's Regional Championship in the next round of the 2014 May Mayhem Tournament of Champions.
Okay, that does it for day 3, we will close out the Smooth 16 round tomorrow evening. Oh, and just like with Stephen's long response, I'll post Maui's contribution as well. We'll see what the demand is for it, though. I think that I am going to go watch "In Bruges" now, after watching that clip (above); it's a great movie starring Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes, and.... that may be the only actors that I know by name. It's a good movie; I recommend it.
-Ryan.
Commissioner
May Mayhem Tournament of Champions
No comments:
Post a Comment