Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Famed Four / Portland Conference Championship - 2014 May Mayhem Tournament of Champions


Welcome to

First, let us take a moment to honor America,

Another quick reminder, that tonight -- in just a few short hours -- is the deadline to buy your tickets in advance for the My Voice Music Benefit Concert tomorrow (Friday) night!!



What are the advantages to buying in advance? For one, you get a $5 discount on the ticket price (that's cool); you can bypass the admission line at the door (that's even better); AND it guarantees you admission!! Yeah, this show does sell-out, so you are going to (potentially) look like a fool if you bring your special-lady-friend to try and show her how into music you are and how much like kids.....and then get turned away because you were a schlub and didn't buy tickets in advance.  Women don't like schlubs.  #TheMoreYouKnow

The Portland Conference Championship has a match-up between two highly regarded and big names in 1) Kristen Dutra and 2) Chris Maui Taketa.  Both did not disappoint with their selections, either; pulling out some big names for this round.  Because neither of these men were musicians (in the sense that they were not known for playing any instruments), I will consider them more in the line of "entertainers" -- because they both certainly were that.

First up, Maui will take the stage....



That was a bizarre little song.... anyways, with his selection, Maui goes with....




Michael Jackson: The Greatest Musical Act Ever
The greatest musical act ever has got to be Michael Jackson. More than just a musician, Michael Jackson was one of the greatest entertainers of all time. His career started as the lead singer of the Jackson 5, as a fucking little kid. He was performing before he even learned his multiplication tables. "A B C, easy as one two three. Five times seven, its too hard so don't ask me." 

Maui as Michael Jackson
Then he broke out of the Jackson 5 and went solo. He invented the moonwalk, which drunk white people still try to imitate today. Billie Jean, Beat It, Thriller, Smooth Criminal, Bad, Don't Stop Till You Get Enough, Rock With You, the Free Willy song, etc etc. Hits for days.

His music videos were just as amazing. Michael Jackson was to MTV what Michael Jordan was to Nike. Except probably more important. There would be no MTV without Michael Jackson and his music videos. That Bille Jean video, where hes in that suit and the sidewalk tiles light up when he steps on them. Or the Smooth Criminal video, when he wears that pimp ass white suit and does the whole lean thing. In the Bad video he dances in the subway. He brought in previously mentioned Michael Jordan for his Jam video and Magic Johnson for Remember the Time. And then Thriller. That was a mini movie, and it had one of the most famous dance sequences ever. I dressed up as thriller Michael Jackson for Halloween for crying out loud. This guy was a straight up pimp.

He also tried to change the world for the better with songs like Man in the Mirror, Heal the World, Black or White, Earth Song, etc. All of that when not allegedly molesting little kids of course...Moving on now...

He toured all over the world and brought his music to every corner of the world. His concerts were among the biggest ever. There have been movies made about his life and career. Numerous artists have covered his songs. He was the King of Pop.


GREAT pick. Any time that you can be famous enough to be the "King" of something definitely warrants legitimate attention.  Everyone knows Michael Jackson, when he died -- I believe -- that the City of Los Angeles paid for his funeral (which was bizarre...since the guy had money and LA was kind of broke at the time....), and he has continued to influence generations of not only singers but also dancers.  His dancing was INTENSE.

Now, I'm not a dancer (nor do I pretend to be -- sober or intoxicated) but I can respect the talent....oh wait...no, I am a ballroom dancer.  I could have gone pro, too; I was that good.  However, the demands of the professional dance circuit would keep me on the road more than I would have liked, and so it wasn't the right fit for me.  However, because of this background, I further understand the commitment, talent, skill, and dedication that MJ put into his work. 

I saw a documentary about him, once, and say what you will about him being weird (he most certainly was), but the man had an INSANE work ethic.  Sure, he probably was a good dancer just naturally, but you don't revolutionize the craft by just banking on your natural abilities; the documentary was talking about how he would practice routines for hours upon hours -- until he either got it right or his body gave out due to dehydration or fatigue.  THAT. IS. CRAZY.  Granted, when your dad is Joe Jackson and beats the crap out of you when you screw up or get lazy as a kid, I reckon that the insane work ethic just becomes a part of who you are.

He also was one of the first artists (that I can remember, at least) that did branch out into commercials -- namely Pepsi, where he did that one really cool commercial with the kid-who-would-later-be-Carleton-on-the-"Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"....and then, of course, the one Pepsi commercial that caught his head on fire (and, I've read, was the turning point that made him go crazy and get hooked on pills).  Even though, I disagree with Maui's inflated view of importance, music videos had existed before Michael Jackson and, with the dawning of MTV, the music video would have existed and perpetuated with or without him; I don't think that he was that critical in the advent of music videos. 

I'm not going to discuss the "alleged" incidents with kids, I'll let Dave Chappelle handle that....



The only legitimate knocks that I have against Michael Jackson is that for the last 15-20yrs of his life, he wasn't known for his music.  Of his Top 10 most successful songs (according to Billboard), none of them came after 1988.  In fact, from 1990 to his death (2013), he only recorded two #1 hits ("Black or White", 1991, and "You Are Not Alone", 1995).  The rest of his legacy -- post-1980s -- involved bizarre marriages (Lisa-Marie Presley, and that average lady), wearing surgical masks everywhere, naming his kids weird names, and dangling them over balcony rails, and the like.  Just being weird.  So, it could be argued that he is the greatest musical act..... of the 1970s and '80s....because from the '90s to the his death, he wasn't known for his music or entertainment, he was tabloid fodder. 

But, otherwise, a solid choice, for sure.  I can dig it.  And it definitely raises the bar for Kristen.  BUT, before we get to her pick, a quick break to hear from some good people about a fun Happy Hour coming up next week (Thursday night) at Spirit of 77, in inner NE Portland:

You know that you want to....  c'mon down....
 I am exceedingly pleased to report that the U has cruised past the 700-mark in their campaign and are now upping the ante and eying 800!!! One thing that I, personally, like about the University, and fellow Pilots, is the initiative, the drive, and the big goals.  Don't challenge us -- we will prevail.  

I'll do my part in getting past the 800-mark by the end of June -- why? Because, until the end of June, EVERY gift made to the University (towards ANY of its programs/schools) is matched with $100.  Size doesn't matter!! $50 = $150.  $20 = $120.  Hell, even $10 = $110.  Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.




And now, to make her claim for the Portland Conference Championship, the last 1-seed to remain in this year's Tournament, and the Portland Women's Champion:  Kristen Dutra....




A classic rock song for a classic-kind of lady.  Well-played.  And, with her selection, she is going to go with.....



Frank Sinatra : the greatest musician ever.

Ole Blue Eyes was a gangster, an actor, and an amazing vocalist.  When you hear his voice, it feels so familiar and honest.  You can say most people know who he is.  I also think he was an impeccable dresser and a stand-up guy (mostly).  And a member of the Rat Pack.  I can keep going... He is a classic.

Very good pick.  Frankie is an icon, for sure.  While I don't know if he played instruments (I think he did the piano, though), there are no better crooners and very few artists/entertainers with as distinct a voice as his.  You only need to hear a few words from him and you know, right away, that it's Frank Sinatra.  He is definitely a classic and a very worthy adversary for MJ.

A lot of similarities between the two -- just as I ignored MJ's "alleged" incidents with kids, I'll also ignore Frankie's "alleged" connections to the mob.

Frank Sinatra is one of those iconic Americans -- not even just performer or musical act -- he represents a time and place when this glorious country of ours was BUZZING.  The Jazz Era -- simply amazing.  AND because of his connection with jazz, he was able to do it all -- powerful, energetic pieces with a big-band orchestra, or a seductive melody with just a piano and a microphone; often, creating both of those moods in the SAME song.  Example: in "I've Got You Under My Skin", his voice gets powerful as the music builds into the final lines with "...but each time I do, just the thought of youuuu, makes me stop just before I begin..." and then immediately kills the intensity with the soothing "...because I've got youuu under my skin", with the stripped down bass line.  Amazing.

What's further impressive: a good number of his performances were done while smoking and/or being drunk.  Just like mine.

Kristen also brings up his membership in the Rat Pack which, I think, is important to note, as well, as it is not common for musicians or performers in the music industry to cross over into movies -- like legit movies.  Sinatra was not only a singer/performer, but he could act, too.  AND, he was a staple of the famous Friar's Club Roasts that eventually evolved into a practice taken on by Comedy Central, and has brought us some of the most AMAZING comedy, haha. 



I'm a terrible person, but I do enjoy a good roast.  It goes to show that you can be hateful and loving all at the same time.  I just ended up watching Roasts highlights for the past 20-something minutes, so I need to get back on track and make a decision.

Anyway, this is a tough decision to make because, the championship is on the line, for starters, but also because both of these entertainers were great at what they did.  Both are renowned and famous around the world.  Both had their own little indiscretions in their personal lives, but both are also adored and honored by their fans.  This is a great follow-up for the Tom Hanks vs. Denzel Washington match-up because both men excelled at what they did but really had decades of dominance -- MJ owning the '70s and '80s, Frankie owning the Jazz Era of the '30s and '40s.

I'm going to go with Frankie on this one, because it comes down to small intangibles when the match-up is so evenly fought.  While I enjoy MJ and his hits (and there are hits for days), Frankie was no slouch, either, and he was able to master his craft all while getting drunk -- just like me.  My rendition of "Summer Wind" is pretty solid, too, by the way. Perhaps a karaoke machine can be acquired for 4th of July.....ohhhh I am so going to look into this.....it's the only thing that can make that weekend better.  Well, one of a few things that could make that weekend better. 

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And there we have it!! The Portland Conference Champion is now known! They'll face off against the World Conference Champion, Emily Wizola, on Saturday and one of them will walk away (proverbially) as the 2014 Champion of Champions!!! ...while the other joins the other 63 people that fell just a little short this year.  Stay tuned!!

-Ryan.
Commissioner
May Mayhem Tournament of Champions

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